Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

I don't really believe that, but this is too funny.

A professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework
tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You
will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over
when both agree a conclusion has been reached."


The following was actually turned in by two of his English students,
Rebecca and Gary.


THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)


At first, Jennifer couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of
Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she
felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started
acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.


(second paragraph by Gary)


Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an
air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Jennifer with whom he had spent one sweaty
night over a year ago.


"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..."
But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.


(Rebecca)


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychologically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Jennifer read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.
She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to
read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
all the beautiful
things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?"
she pondered wistfully.


(Gary)


Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.


Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mother ship launched the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the humanrace. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in
his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Jennifer.


(Rebecca)


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.


(Gary)


Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea?
Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do?
I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"


(Rebecca)


As*h@le.


(Gary)


B*tch!


(Rebecca)


F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!


(Gary)


In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.


(TEACHER)


A+. I really liked this one.